The Art of Software Development

I wasn’t certain what to expect during my NC Presbyterian Pilgrimage #84 weekend on April 17-20, 2008, but I did know that it had a profound effect on all those that I had talked to who had attended. I was first approached about the weekend several years ago but was a bit put off by what appeared to be a shroud of secrecy surrounding the activities of the weekend. I now know the reason for the secrecy was to protect the many surprises that the pilgrim will experience. I intend to protect the surprises as well but if you really want to know I will tell you (but you would just ruin things for yourself).

A Glimpse of Heaven

Kathy attended a weekend several years ago and when she returned I asked her what it was like. She summarized it by saying it must have been how the early church was as described in Acts. After experiencing it I now understand what she meant. If you ask me to summarize pilgrimage I would say that it is a glimpse of heaven, a preview of eternity that you will experience here on earth (it least I did).

I just finished reading the book 90 Minutes in Heaven. In that book the author describes his experience where he died and was in heaven for 90 minutes following an automobile accident. He described a feeling of overwhelming love and peace, a complete immersion in love. That is how I felt during the weekend. I have never felt so much love in my life. It is almost addicting! That is why so many people return to work the pilgrimage because it is a powerful experience that you have to live through to truly understand. I have already signed up to work the fall pilgrimage so you can tell that I’m hooked.

Touched by the Spirit

Words cannot accurately describe my experience but I will try to share the highlights. During the weekend you have the opportunity to listen to talks on various subjects. After the talks you discuss them amongst your table group. I had a very sweet lady named Doris at my table who had lost her husband to cancer four years ago. During one of the discussions Doris began to break down and sob. As I listened to Doris described her husband and how much his loss had impacted her, I began to feel her pain. I felt so much pain for this lady who I had just met. As I look back on this event I am convinced that it was a spirit moment. The Holy Spirit allowed my heart to be touched and to absorb some of the pain that Doris had inside of her. In response, I simply stood up and went over and hugged her for a long time. I had a sense that Doris was there on that weekend to work through the healing process of her loss and that I was there in a small way to help her work through that pain. I also believe the experience was intended for me. It was intended to begin the softening process of my heart.

Every person at the pilgrimage had issues that they were struggling with or issues that were unresolved in their life. Let’s face it, if you are honest, we all have issues in our lives that we need to deal with. I almost sensed that for each of us to reach the next level spiritually we had to learn to effectively deal with our issues and quit ignoring them. That was one of our purposes for being there as pilgrims, to break down the barriers keeping us stuck where we were. I am convinced that if and when you go it will be because God wants you to go, not because someone else wants you to go, to help you deal with YOUR issues.

We are All Unworthy

During the weekend you have a heightened awareness of how much Christ sacrificed for us all. You begin to understand the meaning of grace and mercy.

I suppose one of the more significant enlightenment’s for me was an understanding of the power of prayer. After I learned how much other people had been praying for me and all the other pilgrims I was immediately overwhelmed by the feeling that I was so unworthy of what these people were doing for me. This unworthy feeling was so humbling. It made me realize how much we did not deserve what Christ did for us through his sacrifice on the cross but what he willingly did anyway. That is the true meaning of grace, to give unconditionally something that we do not deserve. And on the flip side, mercy, not giving us what we do deserve.

Love

You cannot help but feel the love in Christian community that surrounds you the entire time you are at the mountain retreat. But God used one event in particular to help me really understand what love is. I don’t want to give away surprises so I can’t tell you exactly what happened. But let’s just say that during a period of song as I looked upon several people whom I love dearly, I had an over powering feeling of love for those people. It was so overpowering that I could barely handle it. My response was the same as it was for Doris. I felt compelled to jump up and hug them tightly. At that same time a thought, or voice in my head, or whatever you call it said to me I love you even more than what you are feeling now. I couldn’t imagine how that could be possible because the love within me was already off scale high.

During that same time we sung a song about the power of God and immediately thunder rocked the whole dining hall as there was an intense storm with lightning and thunder engulfing the camp. As I looked around I could sense the energy and the emotion in the room and it was unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life. For some reason it made me understand my full sense of humanity. It was as if the voice was saying this is what it’s like to be fully human. I still don’t quite understand what that really means but it is what I heard or sensed. Meanwhile, lightning struck all around, the thunder cracked and the lights flickered several times. It was an unforgettable moment.

After that experience was over my body was physically drained of energy and I was so tired I simply wanted to go to bed. For years I have heard Christians pray, “Holy Spirit fill this room.” Now I can honestly say that I have felt the Holy Spirit fill a room and it is one of the most intense awesome and powerful experiences any human could ever have. Our God is an awesome and powerful God. He made that perfectly clear to me that night and I will never forget it. The team kept saying that it only gets better but it was hard to fathom how that could possibly be true. But I was wrong.

Chapel

The Ruth and Billy Graham Chapel at Camp Harrison is located on a peninsula with a lake surrounding it on three sides. It is an open-air chapel beautifully adorned with stone pillars and a somewhat rustic mountain look. It was a beautiful peaceful place. Every morning we began the day with a service and communion in the chapel. Every evening we finished the day with a service in the chapel. The first thing you do in the morning before breakfast is worship God. The last thing you do before you go to bed as worship God. It was a great way to begin and end your days.

The chapel is truly a holy place…holy ground. During the many services we had at the chapel God made his presence known through the changing weather and the beauty that surrounded us. For example, during a healing service, we were treated to rainbows after confessing to prayer partners the issues that were troubling us. There were also low-lying clouds and fog on the lake at that time. I asked Kathy to join me as we looked out on the scene and it was one of the most beautiful snapshots I had ever seen in my life. I commented to Kathy that it looked like a postcard. The dogwoods were in bloom on the mountain ridges, wisps of fog were coming off the lake, and the low clouds all around gave me the appearance of a cold winter scene but here it is April! The timing and presentation could not have been any better.

On Sunday morning when we arrived at the chapel the whole camp was in shrouded in fog. This was the resurrection day. This was the day he did Jesus ascended from the depths of hell. And indeed that is exactly what appeared to play out in the chapel. As the service went on the fog began to lift and the more the pastor spoke of hope in life the more that blue sky and beams of sunlight broke through. The timing was impeccable. Nobody could have orchestrated the changing scene around us except for God himself.

And finally there was the closing service. We had all become friends but now it was time to depart. As the pilgrims began to describe their experience, a light rain began to fall…tears of sadness. The rain was a perfect expression of how many of us felt since we knew we were about to leave this place and our new friends. But true to form, the rain stopped and the sun came out again before we all departed (I didn’t see them, I am told that two more rainbows emerged before it was all over). After all, this wasn’t the end it was just the beginning.

God smiled on us every time we were in that chapel and he became part of our services as he changed the scenes around us to match the mood of the service. There were no coincidences here. It was obvious to me who is in charge.

Conclusion

I had to get away for a while and think before I could close this posting. What can I say that I haven’t already said? It was a powerful, emotional and sometimes overwhelming weekend. I would highly recommend it to any Christian who is secure in their faith and who are seeking to take their faith to a new level. I think it would scare the living tar out of a new believer!

After several hours of deep thought I have developed a theory regarding the impact of the weekend on different personalities. My extensive study (five or so people :-)) leads me to conclude that if you are not a very emotional person when you first attend the weekend, then it will most likely have a greater impact on you than the person who is already in touch with their emotional side. I do not imply that emotional people will not experience an awesome time at the weekend, but I think they can process their emotions better and understand them more fully than us emotionally challenged people. In fact, empathetic people like my wife probably already feel other people’s pain like Doris’s so that’s no big deal to them. But if you are like me, it got neurons firing that are not used to firing.

The impact on my friend and brother Hal Hester was very similar to mine. During the weekend Hal quoted a passage from Ezekiel that he said spoke to him. It also speaks to me.

Ezekiel 36:26 (New International Version)
26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

I have come to realize that when it comes to my Christian faith, I am very book wise but I am not heart wise. Now that my heart has been softened it is clear where I need to focus my developmental energy. I need to ensure that my heart continues to soften and does not become hard again.

My second observation is that I feel it might be impossible to survive for a prolonged length of time in such a loving environment. I don’t know about others but I became somewhat depressed the days immediately following the pilgrimage. I wanted to feel the same way at home as I did at Camp Harrison. But I suspect my feelings were similar to that of a crack addict. The euphoria is so intense that the addict seeks more and more of the drug until they self-destruct. Likewise, if we remained in that environment we would lose focus on our real mission here on earth. On the bright side, if you going to become addicted to something, I can’t think of anything better than God’s love.

Finally, what we experienced was the formation of a community whose likeness will never be duplicated again. The group may evolve over time as old team members return, but the character will never be exactly the same. We also know that on all subsequent pilgrimage weekends new communities will be formed for that brief moment of time. The common element between all groups is that they will all share the same grace and the same love. That same love that we all will experience when we meet our maker. The weekend was truly a glimpse of heaven.

My friends, God loves you, and so I.